Read before you post
And not a few minutes after I proclaimed that the changes to wordpress.com would happen soon, I immediately hit a roadblock.Just as you have to pass on some perks with a free blog system like Blogger, it seems wordpress.com has its limitations at startup. Customization is almost completely unavaiable. You can choose from 20 or so templates - that's it. You can't edit the themes in any way - no changing the header, no AdSense, no hit counter, nothing. The FAQ post regarding the lack of theme customization has plenty of comments from disgruntled bloggers, many saying that they won't make the switch from Blogger until this is remedied. WordPress does make its own comments stating that customization is happening, but the last update comment was posted at the end of November. Not promising. I can certainly appreciate a clean site, but you really do need to allow for some personalization. Perhaps WordPress is hoping to keep .org and .com at least marginally different, but I can't imagine that they hope to be competitive with Blogger and others if they don't plan on coming close to comparative features. So now that I got the jones for making the switch, I'm back to thinking about finding my own host. Maybe that's the plan. Curse you, WordPress. I think I'll go decidedly lo-tech and read a book.
Posted by Joel at 1/31/2006 11:33:00 PM
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CT is right
I have a feeling ...BEEHO will be departing this mortal BlogSpot sooner or later.
This is what CT had to say on a comment to my earlier post about my small technology victory regarding the limitations of Blogger. And no more than a few hours after he made this comment, it's feeling like sooner.If I could ignore the suggestion I'd be fine, but it's not going to go away. It took me almost exactly three months to grow tired of the original template I chose. The fact is that the restlessness will soon return, and considering how long it took me to find a user-created template I didn't hate I doubt I'd be able to find another design to satisfy the anxiety. My HTML knowledge is still below average but as far as I have heard WordPress is much more flexible, so were I to conjure up the ambition to learn my efforts might actually lead to results. There's still the question of the name. Sure the acronym seems to be catching - O'Blog and bl0gax both list me in their blogrolls that way - but there are still some days when I cringe at the thought of both title and acronym. That may just be me. Also consider that both Tampa Taxi Shots and tinylittledots refer to me with question in my URL that is answered by the title of the blog. That bit wasn't even terribly funny when I first thought of it. Even early on I also thought about creating a private domain - that's a whole other committment I'm not sure I'm ready to make. So either I'll be possessed by ambition and promptly get a WordPress blog up and running, or I'll dawdle while continuing to casually post here. Either way it's definitely going to happen - I'd hate to make CT look stupid.
Posted by Joel at 1/31/2006 10:50:00 PM
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Making Blogger work for you
Any regular readers - I'll reign in my self-deprecation for a change, as it does seem like I have a few of those - that actually made it through my last post - oops - may have noticed something wacky going on at the end. Thanks to the fine folks at FreshBlog and ecmanaut I have fashioned something like categories. After briefly entertaining the idea of ditching Blogger and finding a host to use with WordPress, I quickly came to my senses and remembered how much I like free things, as well as how little I enjoy the technical aspect of this blogging thing. Blogger is free so it stays for now, especially now that I've found a way around one of its limitations - its lack of support for categories and tags. Best of all the hack is positively me-proof. I downloaded the Firefox extension Greasemonkey, added a script that tweaks Blogger's posting program, and that was it. Each post only requires a few extra seconds' worth of clicking now, and I have categories. The minor OCD in me requires that I categorize my prior posts at some point, but I've already exceeded my tech accomplishments limit for the day. Maybe I'll fire up the Xbox.
I be like Wendell Berry how I know the dark
It's just me and the moon in the forest park
- Northern State, "Trinity"
Posted by Joel at 1/30/2006 11:48:00 PM
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DCU
The impromptu day off from work - as long as you're not ill, it's one of those minor joys.Or as long as you don't have to visit the Delayed Crimes Unit of the Tampa Police Department. I'll say this - should you feel the need to spend too much time waiting for the attention of a civil servant, Delayed Crimes may trump the DMV. I have reason to believe that I've been the victim of identity theft. There's a credit card account out there in my name and other vitals, so I went down to Franklin and Madison to demand justice or something like it. Justice turned out to be an middle-aged spitfire of a woman working outside her usual department. When I walked into the office she was impatiently listening to the slurring complaints of an inconsequential looking blonde. I'm not up on my controlled substance side effects, but my best guess is that the blonde was at the time under the influence of antifreeze. Due to her strung out rambling - a sort of Russian Luanne from King of the Hill - I was forced to put together the pieces of her story with just the TPD employee's half of the conversation. A sample:TPD: Next time she shows up with a baseball bat, you need to call us.
Luanne: buzzbuzzbuzzbuzzbuzz my baby away buzzbuzzbuzzbuzzbuzz
TPD: Ma'am, please listen to me.
Luanne: buzz
TPD: Ma'am?
Luanne: buzzbuzz
Me: Eff it, they can have the credit card.
As the clerk grew increasingly peeved, I saw my forthcoming experience becoming less and less satisfactory. Eventually Ms. Platter left, theoretically to talk to her lawyer about finally establishing who has custody of her child.
And eventually I got my turn. The clerk's demeanor turned out to be a direct consequence of the person in need of help, so the day took a turn from Cops-style nervous fun to almost pleasant. A certain camaraderie took form in the office. A second clerk appeared in time - she was helping a web designer pressing charges against a customer that threatened mortal violence after a promised project was late. As I filled out my affidavit two other people came to file an identity theft report. We all listened to the others' stories of victimization. My clerk obviously took great pleasure in showing us sundry oddities on her computer screen - that civilians possibly should not be looking at other people's records was a possibility that obviously only came to the civilians.
When it was all over I had a renewed respect for those working for government entities and an encyclopedic manual from the Federal Trade Commission on how to fight back against identity fraud.
Tomorrow it's back to work, where a man was arrested today for carrying a gun in the waistband of his pants. Sounds like the day off was a wash at best.
Posted by Joel at 1/30/2006 10:56:00 PM
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Kate Spade for Senate
Coming soon to a philosophy major near you.
Following in the steps of the Chairman Mao tunic and the Che shirt (courtesy of thechestore.com), it's the Evo sweater, the latest in world leaderwear.
(Maybe Che Guevara didn't actually wear a t-shirt with his likeness. You get the point.)Evo Morales, Bolivia's recently elected president, has quickly become known for his striped, Cosbyesque alpaca wool sweaters. That can mean only one thing - product possibilities! Sure enough, a Bolivia-based online store has begun selling replicas of the tacky eye-catching sweaters. They've sold 200 sweaters to customers in 20 countries.
Though the strategy behind the man-of-the-people look should not surprise anyone - consider our own Marlboro Man-inspired president - we fortunately do have someone to look to for questions on the fashion of politics. Robin Givhan of the Washington Post provides analysis of mostly Washington-based sartorial choices - her latest column told us of Samuel Alito eschewing "French cuffs for the standard barrel ones."
On a marginally related note, how long will it take Evo's, the Tampa Bay area healthy fast-food franchise, to find a tie-in?
Mmm - alpaca burgers.
Posted by Joel at 1/29/2006 11:49:00 PM
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You-pick-uh-winner
The wife and I regretted not making it out to Gasparilla, particularly on such a nice day. However the day was not a complete loss; not only did I get to enjoy the Lightning slaughter the Flyers (hope Vinny is alright), but we then went down to TBPAC to enjoy Jobsite's production of Topdog/Underdog.
The script is pretty solid. Digging for some reviews I found many complaints about the ending - blame it on The Sixth Sense. It seems like the sole ingredient of a good ending these days is the twist - if you see it coming then the entire work up to that point becomes worthless. Anyone that pays even slight attention to the play will have a pretty good idea of what will happen in the end, but that does not invalidate the power of the finale. In fact I think the play gains with its air of impending doom, lending each moment an extra bit of tension. The local production is pretty solid. Derek Lance Jefferson, playing younger brother Booth, teeters ever so slightly on the line of overacting in the beginning of the play, but it's impressive that as the tension mounts in the story his performance becomes more focused rather than unravelling further. Older brother Lincoln (and if you're thinking those names are pretty convenient, the characters are aware of it too) is played by "ranney" (yes, that's how you write it - when your bio reads as impressively as his, you can spell your name however you want); his performance is the highlight by far. Music was very important to the original production - how many non-musical Broadway shows have a soundtrack? - and Jobsite retains that tradition well. And just in case you're wondering why you should take any theatre advice from me - that would be fair - will you take the word of a real critic? A good night out and support of a great local organization - what excuse do you have?Throw your neck out
Throw your back out
- Outkast, "The Rooster"
Posted by Joel at 1/29/2006 12:37:00 AM
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TGI Friday's bathroom - not for the faint of heart
Maybe it's something they're putting in the pot stickers, but the bathrooms at TGI Friday's are obviously magnet's for questionable actions. Once I encountered some creepy moaning behind a stall, moaning too pleasant to be based on gastric distress but still slightly pained to leave you questioning the potentially sexual origin. Not more than a month later I walked in to find a man testing his own long-distance urinating abilities, standing at least a foot away from the urinal. As soon as he saw me and was aware of how unimpressed I was he sheepishly shuffled forward. Of course neither of these is as odd - or profane - was what Addison encountered.
Posted by Joel at 1/27/2006 01:05:00 AM
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Hello Undies
I have a vague memory of a Christmas gift exchange in early elementary school. With an equal mix of boys and girls the gifts were obviously supposed to be of a unisex nature. Someone did not adhere to the rules, and a boy ended up with something Hello Kitty. I seem to remember that he started crying before the teacher asked if a girl would trade gifts with him, which fortunately someone was happy to do.
If I may assume sexual orientation, I have to imagine that he would not frown upon something Hello Kitty now, as long as it resembled this.
I know the fact that Hello Kitty is no longer for little girls only is old hat, but I still got a kick out of this slideshow over at the Village Voice. And if you don't think that Sanrio, the company responsible for Hello Kitty and many other characters, is smart enough to know this, check out the very un-pre-teen girl on the home page of Sanrio's shop. Consider also their 2003 revenue of 1 billion dollars, 500 million of which comes from Hello Kitty.
Posted by Joel at 1/27/2006 12:42:00 AM
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The good one
My wife's grandmother celebrated a birthday on Wednesday, the Bad One. The Bad One is what she called it, and out of respect for her that is all the information I will relate regarding said birthday. She deserves that respect.
She deserves that respect because she is strong, as strong as any woman of any age I've known. Scoliosis has given her the posture of someone carrying a weight without hope of relieft. She suffers from almost constant pain. She is forced to take several medications for various internal maladies, medications which often cause her greater pain. She has been without her husband for many years, a husband obviously missed greatly by her and everyone else that knew him; he is even missed by this writer, who never had the opportunity to meet him. My wife says he would have like me a lot - we would have spoken about music endlessly.
These physical and emotional trials need no introduction upon meeting her - they are plainly projected in the eyes of a woman well aware of their heft. They become clearer when you hear others speak of her past - she was mod, she raced cars and motorbikes, she tore her family away from that backward place where her family had lived for so long in order to raise her daughter in a proper way. The verve has now been replaced by a bitterness which is difficult to deny her after hearing her speak of her own past.
And yet through it all she is strong. I have a hard time thinking about it all without feeling the weight myself. She lives with it every day, but in her own way she drives on. Her voice seems unaffected by the weight - her opinions are often in direct contrast to my own, and yet even in my frustration I am often thrilled by the energy with which she delivers them. She has had absolutely no use for the attitude towards technology so prevalent among those of an advanced age, completely embracing the computer and all its advantages in communication.
The Bad One had been looming for the last few weeks, and it seemed as if it would insidiously break her down. Perhaps she had hoped that the Bad One would never come, that the weight would break her before it did. It was hard to watch.
Oh, but what a miracle a little kindness can create. When my wife and I met the family for an early dinner, there was a smile on the grandmother's face like none I had seen, yet immediately I knew it had to be the smile that was, the smile of the girl on the motorbike. Red roses were sent from a friends. There were several well-wishing phone calls. There was lots of candy. From my wife a toe ring, something she'd always wanted - no ordinary grandmother for sure. Dinner kept piling on the happiness. The waitress was friendly as could be, the food was enjoyable, and how could she not smile when the waitress brought her a live lobster with a birthday card clenched in its claws?
She deserved it all.
By the time dinner was over I could not see my brother-in-law walking her out to the van. What I saw was a woman casting aside the Bad One and all the other weight, strapping on a pair of riding boots and racing away someplace.
Posted by Joel at 1/26/2006 11:25:00 PM
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Anything you can do I can completely neglect
It is quite a testament to how much influence blogs wield these days that the mere existence of one can cause a Republican to compliment a Democratic candidate for Florida governor. It is also a testament to the smarts of Jim Davis' campaign that it continues to be the only campaign recognizing said influence, at least to the point that they thought it important to establish their own blog(Rod Smith does at least make mention, but merely includes links to blogs in hopes someone might actually talk about him - by the way, I did not include a link to Smith's blog list because the link is broken as of the time of this post). I've mentioned before that Charlie Crist first featured a blog on his site, but the sheer half-assedness of that venture becomes more conspicuous every day.When I first checked out Crist's campaign site, there was a large picture - my memory may be failing me, but I think it was an extremely inappropriate picture of a pen - that linked to the campaign blog. Rather than make any attempts to expand the blog, the webmasters' apparent shame has lead them to cut the picture and instead include a small link under "Media Center." The entire site has been redesigned, so the lack of effort is obviously not for lack of time.By the way, there has been no entry to this so-called blog since January 6. Perhaps Crist is still recovering from an Epiphany-related hangover.Meanwhile Matt Thornton has kept up Davis' blog quite regularly. There's a comment on his latest post hoping that Jim Davis himself will soon blog on what is purported to be his blog. Frankly if Mr. Davis found time to blog regularly I would question his commitment to both his campaign and his job. Leave the blogging to people who either get paid to do it or have too much time on their hands and little need for sleep. I still cannot muster the idealistic excitement some people have for the idea of a blogging candidate, but then again excitement doesn't suit me all that well - that picture in my profile is a pretty good representation of what I'm like most of the time. This contrast may however speak volumes for the candidates' ability to carry something through, or at the very least to their ability to hire staff to carry through in their place.
I think ahead of you
I think instead of you
Will you spend your life with me
And stifle me?
- Tricky, "Suffocated Love"
Posted by Joel at 1/25/2006 12:05:00 AM
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Hate that monkey
I'm not terribly sure what possessed me to even casually watch the new CBS series Love Monkey. The network and the title should have been enough for me to stay away. I can justify it all I want - it was just in the background while I pored over blogs with much better things to say than I ever could (just pick at random from the blogroll, you'll find it) - but with 100-some odd channels at my disposal, I have no excuse.I honestly can't say I paid enough attention to provide anything in the way of a review. What I do know is that a little more than halfway through tonight's episode, I heard a lyric that gave me a serious case of the fits.We built this city... The obnoxious harmonies, the echo - it was all there. If this show wants to make even the slightest attempt at attracting music fans (I know, very slight), shouldn't they know better than to use a song so dreadful that even VH1 is not ironic enough to appreciate it?
Come on, CBS - leave the awkward hipsterism for WB or UPN or whatever child their breeding produces.
Posted by Joel at 1/24/2006 10:40:00 PM
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A tad less subtle than Mary in a tree stump
About 20 minutes outside of Cincinnati (see what I'm saying about that place) in the city of Monroe is Solid Rock Church. The church is completely unremarkable in every way.Except for the 62-foot styrofoam Jesus.
The statue can apparently be seen from space the interstate. I'm having trouble finding the evangelical purpose for this thing. Perhaps they were just hoping to get some publicity by ending up in a book detailing what's strange about Ohio.Good work, Solid Rock!
Posted by Joel at 1/24/2006 12:27:00 AM
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Turning left just got a little more complicated
So Toyota cars are going to
enter competition in both the Nextel Cup and Busch series. Considering I know several people who still think Japan is the enemy, this may not go so well.
I mean, what will this guy think?
Posted by Joel at 1/23/2006 08:50:00 PM
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Fun with gas
Just in case you ever wondered what's inside that locked panel on a gas pump.
This was a day after I pulled into another gas station and found the regular unleaded hose was missing the front of the nozzle, forcing me to put expensive 89-octane gas in my weak 4-liter engine. And I thought prices were the only problem.
Posted by Joel at 1/22/2006 08:57:00 PM
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Storms in the house
Late Friday afternoon at work - the promise of a quiet, lazy evening at home with my wife has no trouble casting work-related thoughts casually out of my mind. Staring out from my desk into nothing specific, our customer holds shelf yanks my gaze for a moment. Attached to a special education textbook is a sheet of paper with a most curious name. Storms. Shame it wasn't a meteorology textbook. Or... no, it couldn't be. I shuffle over to the shelf and slide the paper behind the attaching rubber band.Rhonda. How many of them could their be in Tampa? I ignore the superfluous h - who else spells it that way anyway? I spend the next ten minutes asking every employee on the floor if they took the call. I get a lot of no's plus several isn't she?'s. I finally find my person - the only information she can give me is that the customer was buying the book for someone else and that she would come in by closing or the next day. I'm not coming in the next day. I can't decide whether I'm hopeful or not that she'll make it today. No more than few minutes later, a familiar face approaches the counter. Knowing what the answer will be, I ask if she needs help. As I turn to retrieve the book, my customer service spirit struggles to defeat my political sensibilities. Be nice. Again fully aware of the answer, I ask if she is that Ronda Storms. She offers a faint smile. I muster a barely sincere "It's nice to meet you." What followed was an unidentifiable audible accompanied by the most puzzling of facial expressions. Struggling to explain the thoughts behind that look, I quickly took a self-poll of the possibilities. The results:22% - "He probably doesn't vote in my district; I can dial it down."20% - "I smell liberal - he probably hangs out at bikini bars with all his gay friends."15% - "Can't smile - make-up too heavy."10% - "RednerRednerRednerRednerRednerRedner..."33% - Who cares - still thinking about wife and relaxation. I told her where the registers are. The political reflex kicked in - she offered a handshake. Warmer than I thought. She went upstairs, and I was left thinking about where in the evening's busy schedule I could fit time to turn this encounter into a marginally amusing blog entry.
Posted by Joel at 1/20/2006 07:19:00 PM
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Do the Shatner
Sad to say, but the unfamous kidney stone auction I mentioned yesterday was pulled from eBay. However you can now bid on an Asheville, NC area disc jockey's stone - it's also for charity. After less than a day since the auction began, the high bid is at $53.00. Let that be a lesson to all of us: if you're thinking about selling kidney stones on eBay, be sure to be at least marginally famous.
Also of note are auctions for pop art inspired by Willam Shatner's kidney stone, including a Shatner-shaped stone held in Spock's live long and prosper fingers. I want to shake my head over all of this, yet my own fascination with the subject is giving me shivers. I might need a better hobby.
Posted by Joel at 1/20/2006 12:35:00 AM
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Doppelganger lives
I had just about given up on the guy. Nick, my equal in poor blog titling, has returned. Three posts in the span five days - that's pretty prolific, though he hasn't posted since New Year's Eve. And in a it's-late-I-need-some-sleep kind of way, his Subway and tires rant is minorly amusing. Some more similarities: we both regret a lack of ambition for piano lessons and find the young Susan Sarandon appealing (even in an advanced age I think she's got something).Shame I can't take Rocky Horror. Not a shame, really; I prefer my movies to not require audience participation.
Posted by Joel at 1/20/2006 12:18:00 AM
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This one's not pregnant pigs
While Florida's constitution continues to defend the basic inalienable rights of pregnant pigs and paramutuel gaming establishments, someone in Hillsborough is hoping to amend the county's charter in a potentially significant and - wait for it - progressive way.
(Via Sticks) Mary Ann Stiles has established Taking Back Hillsborough, a PAC promoting an initiative to create the office of a county mayor in Hillsborough. It's actually not that progressive an idea - in Florida both Miami-Dade and Orange have them. If you ask me - I know you didn't, but still - this is a pretty fantastic idea, a pretty necessary one for a large and growing county. Whether you agree or not, why not at least put it up for a vote? I just ask that no one suggest Ronda Storms for the position.
Posted by Joel at 1/19/2006 11:29:00 PM
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Black and white and easy answers
According to last week's US box office numbers King Kong trails The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe in total gross ticket sales by about 60 million dollars. Despite Narnia having been released a week earlier it still leads Kong in per-screen average and number of screens, which means it will likely beat the ape when they both leave theatres and are promptly pimped for several DVD editions.
I have a feeling that the Parents Television Council would love to explain this with a nod to America tiring of incessant violence and Naomi Watts' bare shoulder.
Maybe the pale-white skin, but not the violence. But I suspect that the biggest obstacle that Kong has not been able to overcome is its comparatively complicated moral arc. That damned dirty ape is just way too conflicting.
Fortunately Peter Jackson has given us a very simple route to comparison. After five weeks at the US box office, Kong has earned just over 200 million dollars. At five weeks Jackson's first installment in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Fellowship of the Ring, had earned a little over 240 million. 40 million dollars may not seem like a lot in box office terms, and it's probably not. But consider that while Fellowship was an over-hyped film based on a much-loved book, it was still a film directed by a relative unknown and featuring a relatively unknown group of actors. Five weeks into the run of The Return of the King, the third part of the LOTR cycle, a now idolized director and group of actors yanked 329 million dollars out of American moviegoer's pockets. That's a big difference, even to Hollywood.
Could it be that America really is tired of loud, overlong fantasy? Considering Narnia is just a slightly more Biblicalish LOTR, I'm still not buying it.
Consider a general analysis of the plot landscapes of both LOTR and Narnia. There is nothing cuddly about Orcs, nothing pleasant about the White Witch. Who could find anything remotely conflicted about Frodo? Even when his ring fetish caused him to act cruelly, we all knew it was all the ring's fault. And who could find anything conflicted about Peter, Edmund, Susan and Lucy (let alone Aslan)? Yes indeed, the lines are clearly drawn in both series.
Now consider that poor ape. Sure, he looks scary. Sure, he swats some planes around. But all he wants is to get the girl in the end - isn't that what the hero always wants and gets? I'm not insinuating that this should pass as quality depth of character. But compared to the chess board world of the other films, Kong is a tormented soul right out of Shakespearean tragedy.
Take a gander at other popular entertainment. Television crime shows never have a hard time demonizing whatever vicious monster our smart heroes are chasing. Reality shows inevitably create frighteningly honest competition among friends that have chosen their particular favorite contestant. Horror movies - well, they're just an hour and a half version of the beginning of those crime shows.The parallels between our entertainment and our current foreign policy escapades should no longer be hidden from anyone. It's those parallels that further doom Kong to a relatively disappointing showing at the box office. With Rings, Narnia and CSI, we all know who's going to win in the end (horror movies don't always end badly for the villain, but the villain is always the only interesting character in those movies anyway, giving them the sheen of a hero). Unless they changed the ending - I've only seen the much shorter original - Kong's resolution is downright murky. Our moviegoing sensibilities are nowhere near prepared for late-Vietnam-era cynicism. This country is definitely not ready for the ape to die.
Posted by Joel at 1/19/2006 10:10:00 PM
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Sissy fight
Maybe it's too early in the race for the gloves to come off, but I am rather disappointed in what is passing for mudslinging in the race for the GOP governor nomination.
Here's what Tom Gallagher had to say about Charlie Crist today:
Charlie Crist is a very nice guy. He's probably one of the nicest guys around and he does a good job of communicating issues ... that are important to his office. I don't think he's ready to be governor.
What a bastard.
Could it be that both campaigns know that a dirty fight will not help the eventual nominee defeat the Democrats? Nah. Give them some time.
But wait: the Dems are finding it hard to drum up the gumption to get dirty, too. Jim Davis and Rod Smith had a debate at Florida International University in Miami. Both apparently saved their mud for the GOP.
I'd say Smith and Davis stand to lose more from an ugly race. Give a listen to Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly or anyone else of that persuasion and you quickly see that mudslinging is the GOP's favorite sport - after guns, that is. As long as the candidate is smearing someone's good name, fellow party member or otherwise, everyone is happy (the left just uses the media for their smearing - right, Bill?).
And don't think I've forgotten, GOP; I'm still waiting for my e-mails.Tonight's post summary: Florida politics, customer theft, kidney stones. I continute to ignore all conventional wisdom about blogs sticking to at least a general theme. Just the way I like it.
Posted by Joel at 1/18/2006 11:53:00 PM
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Heavy on kidney accretions, short on shame
Shatner, pictured here with his good looks, pride and urinary tract firmly in tact.Oh, William Shatner - what won't you do for a laugh?
Everyone's favorite Priceline whore (and destroyer of Beatles songs - thanks for reminding me, CT) has taken what initially sounds like a great idea and turned it predictably creepy. As a way to raise money for Habitat for Humanity Shatner put a kidney stone that had recently been surgically removed from his innards up for sale.
Who better to buy such a dubious trophy than Golden Palace? The online gambling site rivals Shatner for dubious promotion; in the past they have shelled out money for a Britney Spears pregnancy test and a potato shaped like Pete Townshend (don't forget the streaking thing). They shelled 25,000 dollars for Captain Kidney's nephrolithiasis. Hooray for Habitat for Humanity; shame for humanity (oddly quiet in all of this is Jimmy Carter - where's the peanut-heavy stool sample, huh?).
Never fear, because this story gets even more predictable. If someone of vague celebrity can sell their penis crystals,
Posted by Joel at 1/18/2006 10:06:00 PM
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Change of heart
A customer walked into our store yesterday and immediately upon walking in approached an employee, saying that he had stolen some merchandise several months ago. He explained that he wanted to make amends. Wbat a bizarre circumstance. To a person everyone that heard the story imagined some kind of religious awakening; I've had a hard time coming up with a more suitable hypothesis. It doesn't seem likely that he could ignore his conscience for several months and only now surrender. We don't exactly have a team of detectives and bounty hunters tracking down suspected thieves. There are those that we are quite suspicious of, let alone people that have been arrested several times for theft only to return again and again, but as far as I know this person was new to all. Perhaps he was involved with Jack Abramoff somehow.
Posted by Joel at 1/18/2006 09:35:00 PM
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Overwrought crap, coming to your town
I feel that I should provide a service to anyone that happens to stumble here.
Scott Stapp is coming.
Creed is dead, but that doesn't mean Mr. Stapp has to stop killing rock one ham-fisted guitar swell at a time. He's going on a tour to support his ego new solo album. Ulterior motive for this post? An opportunity to post his mugshot from a very un-rock-and-roll reckless driving arrest:
See that deer in the headlights look on his face? That'll be you if you happen onto one of his live shows. Save yourself.
Posted by Joel at 1/16/2006 10:34:00 PM
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Things overheard at work
Customer approaches employees in basement of store. As she points to the stairs nearby, she asks, "Can I use these to get upstairs?"
Posted by Joel at 1/14/2006 12:18:00 AM
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Beats the pants off the Alan Parsons Project
The Music Genome Project still strikes me as a tad too academic an idea - I guess that's the point - but at least it's given birth to a killer way to listen to music online.
Pandora asks you to name a favorite artist or song. It will then create a radio station for you based on the exhausting research the MGP provides (my "Janie Jones Radio" just played "Waggy" by blink-182 because it features "hard rock roots, punk influences, a subtle use of vocal harmony, mild rhythmic syncopation and a vocal-centric aesthetic" - academic). As songs play on the station, you can give a thumbs up or down to their choices; this allows Pandora to tweak the station to your taste (I love the near-shame elicited by Pandora when you disapprove of a song: "Sorry about that. We'll try something else, and we'll never play that song on this station again."). If you really like the song, there's a link to buy the song on iTunes or the album on Amazon.Best of all you can enjoy it for free. I believe it started out with a 10-hour limit unless you subcribed, but a simple free registration can now give you all the subscription benefits, albeit with ads. Even the subscription is relatively inexpensive - $3 a month if you buy a year subscription. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go enjoy the clean lyrics and heavy use of chordal patterning of Buck 65.
Posted by Joel at 1/13/2006 10:40:00 PM
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Maybe his thumb's stuck that way
Aging is certainly nothing sunny spring meadowy to look forward to. Still I am very much excited about the day when it becomes socially acceptable for me to be every bit as curmudgeonly as I already am.
So it scares me to think that my elderly fate may be similar to the conciliatory state that has apparently befallen supercritic Roger Ebert.
I make a point to read IMDb's movie critic review synopses every Friday. For a while I've been noticing Ebert predictably being the rare positive voice for an otherwise universally panned flick. Could it be that Ebert has lost his critical teeth in his old age?
So off I went to Ebert's site at the Chicago Sun-Times. His ratings are based on a four-star system. Logically that means that a two-star movie would be considered mediocre, with everything below being unworthy of recommendation. His current reviews list forty-seven movies from this weekend back to November 9; seven of those films received two-stars or below.
This may give me away for the snob I know I am, but could there only have been seven bad films released in the last two months? Some of the few films for which Ebert does muster some ill will are far too obscure to register anything like popular dissent - go ahead, defend 39 Pounds of Love if you can.
Read his reviews of otherwise critically hated films and it seems like Ebert treats these films like the dumb, unruly child that you have to love. He digs until he finds something redeemable, then decides that the one good outweighs the twenty bad. He'll also try to pinpoint the demographic that might actually enjoy the film; that's an exercise that should have nothing to do with criticism, especially considering the critic-proof nature of some of the films he pays back-handed compliments. I doubt many people changed their mind one way or the other upon reading his three-star review of The Ringer (a 46/100 on the review aggregator Metacritic)
I do still enjoy his prose, and his biggest recommendations do still sometimes match my sensibilities. One of my all-time favorite sci-fi films is Dark City, a movie rarely mentioned by either movie buffs (of which I am one, I guess) or sci-fi buffs (of which I am not one, I know). Not only did Ebert love the film, he analyzed the film shot-by-shot for four days at a film festival.
So maybe I'm not giving some of these movies a chance - after all I have not seen on of the forty-seven movies. I just can't come up with any desire to see, say, Bee Season (four stars from Ebert, 55/100 from Metacritic). I did admit I'm cranky, but come on - Richard Gere plus spelling bees cannot possibly equal a good night out at the movies, can it?
Posted by Joel at 1/13/2006 07:47:00 PM
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Florida - it starts with F
This is so mo-effin' depressing. Thanks - I guess - to Sticks for digging up this survey. As much as I hate to see fine arts and physical education being squeezed out of schools, we may want to start with requiring civics in more than five counties. Sorry, fellow Floridians - the 2000 election isn't going away, not with news like this. But Jeb says our kids won't be left behind. As long as they can read the questions on surveys like this, we'll be all set.
Posted by Joel at 1/13/2006 07:36:00 PM
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Try the elk
My Three Kings Day present from my wife was dinner at my pick for Sorry Bern's Best Restaurant in Tampa, Mise En Place.
The menu, which changes weekly, is usually so chock-full of goodness that I'm usually better off letting the chef pick - the tasting menu never disappoints, including always perfectly paired wine. But one of the entrees on the menu was elk. And how often will I have the chance to eat elk?
I must say I'll take the chance again if I get it. Didn't taste at all like venison (or like chicken). My wife, usually averse to anything "gamey," was also impressed.
The dish even had some rabbit on the side, another meat first for me. And still my one truly negative experience was sea urchin.
Someone ate too many carrots.
Posted by Joel at 1/12/2006 11:42:00 PM
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Why even bother?
Too easy.
So Bushy the Younger was in New Orleans today. He declared the following:For folks around the country who are looking for a great place to have a convention, or a great place to visit, I'd suggest coming here to the great New Orleans
Yes, we just discovered that New Orleans has a convention center. Call ahead - we can get some food there.Tell us more about New Orleans....heck of a place to bring your family... some of the greatest food in the world... some wonderful fun
Easy to say when you don't visit any place that was actually damaged during Katrina. I must say it's a good thing that he visited the city and is attempting to encourage others to do the same. I'm not sure how much travel advice I'm looking for from a man who spends most of his vacations chopping wood in Texas, but it's a start. And I am very glad to see that he understands the concept of visiting a city in order to display something like concern. It's a start.
Posted by Joel at 1/12/2006 11:18:00 PM
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Trib lowers the bar
I am proud to say that ...BEEHO is now the 25th blog listed on the Tampa Tribune's opinion page Bay Area Blog Watch. I'm right below the startlingly honest Any day above ground is a good one. Quite a step between 24 and 25.
The list still feels like quite the afterthought. Rather than compiling a sizable list before posting the watch on their page they started with seven then checked with Jeff at Side Salad for any other blogs rather than checking his or anyone else's blogrolls or links page. One can only hope that they'll soon stumble upon some of ...BEEHO's favorite local blog, like Bitch Lab, Population Statistic, or the return of everyone's favorite Interbay Superstar. And as Tommy mentions in the Sticks story, there's absolutely no explanation on what exactly a blog is.
But hey, I got a couple of hits from there today. I'm not proud.
Posted by Joel at 1/12/2006 10:34:00 PM
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Squick me
In an announcement that will surely interest only minutiae-hunting bloggers like myself, the editors of the New Oxford Dictionary announced their words of their year. Heading up this year's list is "podcast."
Alright, no surprise there. Let's go further down the list. We've got "bird flu" which seems to me to be two words. We then have a few acronyms - these guys obviously don't play much Scrabble. Then we have "lifehack," which is defined as "a more efficient or effective way of completing an everyday task."
Is this a word the boys back at Oxford University are tossing around? Am I just growing that much more out of touch?
I was also taken aback by "squick" - "cause immediate and thorough revulsion" (used in a sentence: "Was anyone else squicked by our waiter’s piercings?").
So off to Google we go. Squick mostly gave me dictionaries and encyclopedias. First hit for lifehack took me to lifehack.org, which reads like every How to Move Cheese and Influence Oz Principles nonsense book corporate American continues to lap up. Nice t-shirts, though.
We now wait anxiously for American Heritage to announce their choice.
So get used to the lonsesomeGirl, you must atone someDon't leave me no phone number thereLa di da- The Shins, "Gone for Good"
Posted by Joel at 1/11/2006 11:18:00 PM
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Inappropriate recommendations at always low prices
Though I'm not sure how often anyone utilizes the feature, many online shopping sites like Amazon provide recommendations based on other purchases by customers. Wal-Mart decided they'd do something radical and make attempts at customer service, implementing a similar system on their site.
Oops.It seems that the site linked the film Planet of the Apes to "similar items" such as movies about Martin Luther King, Jack Johnson and Tina Turner.While I would certainly love to take any chance possible to poke fun at Wal-Mart, I have a feeling this was a very unfortunate coincidence. A Wal-Mart spokesperson said that the system obviously had many glitches, providing that movies such as Home Alone were also linking to African American-themed films. The company has removed the recommendations feature on their site.I think this is less an example of some sort of racist conspiracy as it is an example of poor programming and testing. Coupled with the failure of their online video-rental venture, it seems that Wal-Mart isn't putting forth much of an effort into the Internet portion of their company. The site seems to me a virtual representation of their palette-choked, disorganized aisles (though I still think bigger sites like Amazon are pretty hard on the eyes). It's as if the existence of their site has very little to do with a potential for increased sales and more to do with, well, what's this blog called again?
Posted by Joel at 1/09/2006 12:18:00 AM
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Americans do it backwards
Another drawback of the suburban lifestyle: you simply cannot appreciate the all the wonderful oddities of many of your fellow citizens when everyone spends most of their time in a window-tinted car. Sure you'll catch the occasional nose-picking or enthusiastic torso dancing. But when you see several of those in a day, the joy is gone. Nothing makes for greater people watching being outside.
I got my haircut yesterday from an especially gregarious German woman - I wonder how long she's been not noticing that no one can hear you speak when you're blow drying right into their ear? When I could hear her we lamented about how much we miss Europe after my two weeks and her twenty-two years. She said her ultimate goal was to live in California, which to my surprised she described as very European - I didn't bother to ask which part but figured it wasn't L.A. What she missed most is how everyone spent time outside, no matter the weather. Anyone in the Bay area knows what a beautiful day Saturday was, so her point was very well taken.
So I'm driving back home on Bruce B. when I spot a man in a wheelchair on the southbound sidewalk. Not only was he enjoying the outdoors but he was so invigorated as to have regained use of his legs, or at least enough to push himself backwards up the sidewalk.
But it wasn't over yet. After I got home my second errand had me going further north on BB Downs. On the northbound sidewalk was a jogger - sure enough, jogging backwards.I guess it's possible that jogging backwards might target a different set of muscles, though I cannot imagine that health benefits outweigh the potential for physical and pride injury after a fall. Either way I'm sure they don't do that in Germany.
Posted by Joel at 1/08/2006 08:53:00 AM
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New enemy
Not sure how long ago this happened, but everyone's favorite falafel fiend Bill O'Reilly has added another media organization to his naughty list: The New Yorker.
Well rock me all night, that's great! I was happy enough that the Times made his original list. Speaking as a subscriber to the New Yorker I am downright ecstatic now. My Christmas present to myself just got that much cooler.
Posted by Joel at 1/05/2006 01:53:00 AM
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Five non-standard guitar albums
Because noodling is rarely a good thing - I'm talking to you, The Bone.
The Velvet Underground, The Velvet Underground - I love their noise to pieces, but I am no longer ashamed to admit that their sleepy album is my favorite. The rhythm guitar on "What Goes On" alone makes the thing worth it - the rest could be piano cabaret (fortunately only "The Murder Mystery" comes close).
Penthouse, Luna - This one's cheating a bit - geek guitar god Tom Verlaine guests on two songs. But like the VU album, it's always nice to hear subtlety rock. This is probably more of a testament to fantastic production - the sound of the guitars is strikes me as possibly still new but at least pretty.
Vee Vee, Archers of Loaf - But sometimes you just need to make a racket. Out of my 180 or so beloved CD's, maybe three or four spend more time in the player in my car than this one. Like The Libertines, Strokes-style, sterile-tight rhythms are not at a premium; unlike the Libertines, it's probably more by design and less by being fabulously trashed. It's what punk rock should sound like these days.
Slanted and Enchanted, Pavement - Tough call between this and Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain. I'll take this as a stand-in for Velvets-style drone. The songs and sounds grow deeper after you hear some of them live. The album creates quite the dense, ironic vibe; the shows prove the guys aren't trying to hide behind the vibe, at least not yet.
Entertainment, Gang of Four - I know it's very chic to drop their name these days. I'm still not entirely sure anyone is listening to this album as much as Solid Gold, their transition album from punk idols to disco wonks. Herky-jerky rhythms didn't start here, and they certainly didn't disappear until Franz Ferdinand. What the mangling to which Andy Gill subjects his guitar (nevermind Jon King's Marxist sly raving) has anything to do with the Beatles-in-the-club pop permeating alt-radio today is beyond me. I more inclined to think of them as Rage Against the Machine with less fuzz but much more humor.
Posted by Joel at 1/04/2006 11:40:00 PM
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Search me
The vagaries of the blogosphere probably amuse no one but me anymore, but I'm still pretty new to this - you'll have to bear with me.
By a wide margin the three search terms that have most often led wandering fingers here are as follows:
3. Calrton Hill
2. Thera-Flu
1. Stephen Colbert
I'm aware that the more obscure the subject the more likely that someone will happen upon this site (which is why these subjects have attracted more hits than searches for, say, a topless Jennifer Aniston. I'd imagine in order to increase hits related to that topic I'd also have to include salacious terminology related to things people would like to do or see done to Ms. Aniston. I'm not that desperate). Still I can't help but wonder precisely what information those searching for Thera-Flu were after. I can only hope that if they were searching for suggestions on a suitable generic brand replacement for Thera-Flu, they heeded my warning.
Posted by Joel at 1/04/2006 10:50:00 PM
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Because I live in Tampa - it's required by law
I don't talk about the Bucs much. Not only am I a bigger Dolphins' fan, but Best Bucs Blog and Pewter Pirates both do a perfectly fine job covering all things Buccaneers. But the Bucs are in the playoffs, so let's give them a mention.
There are many intriguing potential matchups in this year's playoffs - Barber v. Barber, the Manning Bowl, Pats and Colts again - but I doubt that there's no game that would be more loaded with drama than a Tampa Bay against Indianapolis Super Bowl. And much like the classic MNF game the two teams played in 2003, I probably won't be able to help but root for the Colts. That's another reason I don't talk about the Bucs much.But I know I won't be the only one in Tampa rooting for the Colts. If it wasn't already a well known fact, the recent death of Tony Dungy's son proved that Dungy is about as beloved a person as this city has. Even if that tragedy had never happened I'm sure there'd be plenty of Tampa residents cheering on the Colts. I don't really dislike Jon Gruden as many I know do. Sure he's every bit the opposite of the kind, level-headed Dungy, but that may not be such a bad thing. How can you not enjoy the scowl or the X-rated lip-reading? He definitely seems smug, but as long as they don't reach Warren Sapp levels of antisocial behavior I don't care what personality problems any football player or coach has.That being said I doubt that Gruden would have the type of following should he leave the Bucs that Dungy has had after his Tampa tenure. Add to that the fact that so many people think the ring Gruden won was with Dungy's team - an argument with plenty of merit - and I can definitely see even some die-hard Bucs fans wearing Colt blue under their Alstott jerseys.
Posted by Joel at 1/03/2006 01:22:00 AM
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Vote, for shame - the FL governor e-mail campaign
Several days ago I received an e-mail from Jim Davis' campaign. It was in the form of a letter from two people who had received very personal help from Davis when their elderly mother was evicted from her nursing home.
A few days later (although the message was apparently sent on the 29th of December, I didn't receive it until New Year's Day - shame the e-mail touts the December 31st contribution deadline) Rod Smith's campaign provided its own satisfied customer letter, this time from a woman who was attacked in her apartment.
While I'm happy to see both campaigns are at least doing something with their e-mail updates - I now sign up for updates from both GOP candidates almost daily, wondering if maybe there's some kind of technical problem - my jaded self can't help but think that both candidates thought of these very campaigning letters when they were presented with both cases. Not that the effort and results weren't positive. Hey, I said I was jaded.
Here are both letters, in case you don't get the updates and want to read them for yourself.
Dear , (*note: that's how it came - they called me Dear*)
Seven years ago, our 93-year-old mother was evicted out of her nursing home along with many more residents because they were on Medicaid. Like many older Americans, our mother had exhausted her financial means and relied on Medicaid to pay her medical bills.We were distraught, and searched everywhere for help. Fortunately for our family, Jim Davis was our congressman. We had never met Jim before, but we called his office, and to our surprise, had an appointment to meet with him immediately. He listened to our situation, and acted right away. He began drafting a bill that prevented nursing homes from evicting seniors who rely on Medicaid to pay the bills.Jim formed a bi-partisan coalition to work on the bill. Less than a year after we met with Congressman Davis, we were in the Oval Office watching President Bill Clinton sign a bill into law that protected any senior from being kicked out of a nursing home.Now Jim is running for Governor of Florida. We remember how he helped our family and we will do everything we can to help him in his campaign. We hope you will do the same and consider making a new contribution today, before the December 31 deadline.www.jimdavis2006.com/contributeTo this day, we are amazed and impressed that Congressman Davis not only took the time to meet with us and listen to us, but that he did something. He didn't just hold a hearing or write a letter, or issue a press release; he wrote a law that protects seniors from being kicked out of a nursing home. He actually fixed a problem that needed fixing and provided protection for millions of seniors and their families.Courage is tough to find in politics these days, and we know it when we see it. We see courage and strength in Jim Davis, the courage to stand up for what he believes and the strength to do what is right.Floridians of all ages face challenges each day of their lives. Whether it's a senior struggling to pay off a medical bill or a child struggling to learn in a crowded classroom, our state has some problems that need solving. We've seen that Jim understands that, and knows how to fix it. His leadership in doing what's right for Floridians has been an inspiration to us and our whole family.Before our mother got kicked out of her nursing home, we'd never met a congressman before or even thought much about politics. We never thought politicians could do much for us until we met Jim. Congressman Davis is a sincere and caring person who gets things done. He listens to the people and responds to their concerns. And this is why we are telling our story and supporting Jim Davis to be Florida's next governor.And in another first for us, we're asking you to help Jim by contributing to his campaign. Every dollar you contribute will go directly to show Floridians how Jim will be a governor who listens to the people and gets things done. Please take a few minutes out of your busy day and help us support Jim Davis. Please make a new contribution of $35, $50, $100, $250, even $500 or whatever you can by December 31.www.jimdavis2006.com/contributeSincerely,Nelson and Geri MongioviP.S. Please remember the December 31 deadline for making sure your contribution counts toward our total for the year. Please make a new contribution today of $35, $50, $100, $250, even $500, or whatever you can. www.jimdavis2006.com/contribute
Dear Floridians,
Ten years ago, my roommate Gina and I were brutally attacked in our Gainesville apartment. I narrowly survived. My roommate did not.
Nothing can ever bring my roommate, my friend, back to her friends and family. And nothing will ever erase the horror and fear that I will remember for the rest of my life.
But at the same time, nothing will ever make me forget the one person who fought on my behalf as tirelessly and relentlessly as any one person can fight to make certain that justice was done and to make certain that my roommate's killer, my attacker, could never again do to anyone else what he did to Gina and me.
The person I'm referring to is Rod Smith, who now is a candidate for governor. At the time of my attack, he was the State Attorney for the 8th judicial circuit, which includes Gainesville.
Rod stood with me during every difficult step along the way. He helped me find the courage and strength I needed to move forward. And he pursued the prosecution of my attacker with a level of commitment and persistence that I did not expect. Thanks to Rod Smith, the man who attacked me and killed my friend will never again set foot outside of a prison and will never again be a threat to innocent people.
I'm grateful to Rod Smith for what he did for me. But that is NOT why I am writing this letter. I'm writing it because I want you to know who Rod Smith is. I want you to know what I've come to understand about him:
The extraordinary thing to me about Rod Smith is not that he made a difference in my life. It's that he has made a difference in so many peoples lives. I can't begin to tell you how many people have stories about how Rod Smith, as a prosecutor, as a senator, as a lawyer committed to civil rights, or as just an ordinary citizen, stepped in to help them through difficult times when they were terminated from their job unfairly, when they were abused or neglected by authorities who were supposed to help, when their rights were being ignored.
Rod Smith was there for me when I needed him. But the point I'm trying to make is that my experience with Rod Smith is not unique. Rod Smith has filled his lifetime by being there for people, often complete strangers, who needed help. And when you combine that trait, that commitment to others, those core values with the effectiveness, intelligence and innate ability to lead that even his fiercest critics concede to him, you begin to recognize that he could indeed be a great governor.
I know Rod Smith better than most people will ever have a chance to know him. I will tell you this: Rod Smith represents an opportunity for the state of Florida and we should not waste it.
This Saturday (December 31) is the end of a crucial fundraising quarter, and Rod's campaign needs your help. I've already made a contribution to his campaign, and now I'm asking you to do so as well. Please click here to make a contribution of any size. It will be a great investment in the future of our state.
If you want to learn more about Rod, please go to his website and watch the video of the speech he gave to the state Democratic convention earlier this month. (You'll see me in the video, too, because I'm one of the people who introduced him.) Click here to watch it. If you are not ready to make a contribution now, I think you will be after you watch his speech.
I appreciate you taking the time to read my letter. Now I hope you will join me in helping to elect Rod governor.
With warm thanks,Jena Wilson
PS: I hope you will take the time to watch Rod's speech to the state Democratic convention earlier this month. Click here to watch it. You will see for yourself what an exceptional governor this man will be. And most importantly, please join me in contributing to his campaign before the fundraising quarter ends this Saturday.
Posted by Joel at 1/03/2006 12:57:00 AM
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