DCU
The impromptu day off from work - as long as you're not ill, it's one of those minor joys.
Or as long as you don't have to visit the Delayed Crimes Unit of the Tampa Police Department.
I'll say this - should you feel the need to spend too much time waiting for the attention of a civil servant, Delayed Crimes may trump the DMV.
I have reason to believe that I've been the victim of identity theft. There's a credit card account out there in my name and other vitals, so I went down to Franklin and Madison to demand justice or something like it.
Justice turned out to be an middle-aged spitfire of a woman working outside her usual department. When I walked into the office she was impatiently listening to the slurring complaints of an inconsequential looking blonde. I'm not up on my controlled substance side effects, but my best guess is that the blonde was at the time under the influence of antifreeze. Due to her strung out rambling - a sort of Russian Luanne from King of the Hill - I was forced to put together the pieces of her story with just the TPD employee's half of the conversation. A sample:
TPD: Next time she shows up with a baseball bat, you need to call us.
Luanne: buzzbuzzbuzzbuzzbuzz my baby away buzzbuzzbuzzbuzzbuzz
TPD: Ma'am, please listen to me.
Luanne: buzz
TPD: Ma'am?
Luanne: buzzbuzz
Me: Eff it, they can have the credit card.
As the clerk grew increasingly peeved, I saw my forthcoming experience becoming less and less satisfactory. Eventually Ms. Platter left, theoretically to talk to her lawyer about finally establishing who has custody of her child.
And eventually I got my turn. The clerk's demeanor turned out to be a direct consequence of the person in need of help, so the day took a turn from Cops-style nervous fun to almost pleasant. A certain camaraderie took form in the office. A second clerk appeared in time - she was helping a web designer pressing charges against a customer that threatened mortal violence after a promised project was late. As I filled out my affidavit two other people came to file an identity theft report. We all listened to the others' stories of victimization. My clerk obviously took great pleasure in showing us sundry oddities on her computer screen - that civilians possibly should not be looking at other people's records was a possibility that obviously only came to the civilians.
When it was all over I had a renewed respect for those working for government entities and an encyclopedic manual from the Federal Trade Commission on how to fight back against identity fraud.
Tomorrow it's back to work, where a man was arrested today for carrying a gun in the waistband of his pants. Sounds like the day off was a wash at best.
Posted by Joel at 1/30/2006 10:56:00 PM
« Home